


close your eyes (open your eyes)

by elpismoon



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blank Verse, F/F, POV Lexa, Poetry, Slow Burn, clarke is the literal sun, just bare with it, lexa is a mess as usual, mainly bc it's structured weirdly i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-03-31 11:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13974144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elpismoon/pseuds/elpismoon
Summary: lexa is lost in herself. she recalls her past and pain and her love.





	1. fading

**Author's Note:**

> i recommend listening to moby's hotel ambient as a listening experience. it really captures lexa's sense of reality and feelings in the time.

i am alive  
or at least i think i am  
maybe this is what follows after;  
after the air leaves you and  
never comes back

no  
is this all there is?  
a forever  
just nothing  
suspension in a forever of -

yes, the black  
fades a little  
shifts  
there is a feeling  
somewhere; where?

i saw a movie  
once  
more than once,  
about someone who was  
addicted to something  
so sinful that she  
despised her every desire  
but she went on  
and destroyed herself and  
the ones she  
loved.

\----------------------------------------------------

a girl is sat alone  
she wears a smile like  
nothing i have ever seen  
i want to look away  
but the light -her light-  
pulls in me in  
like i am the earth  
and she is the sun

\-----------------------------------------------------

someone asked me once  
whether i wanted  
to forget or  
be forgotten  
i gave no answer


	2. observational study

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she glitters   
> in afternoon sun  
> flutters from here  
> to there  
> she is the light  
> and oh god  
> how she shines

she comes once -  
twice   
in a week  
i feel like a subject  
watching their queen  
wide eyes and   
disbelief 

she glitters   
in afternoon sun  
flutters from here  
to there  
she is the light  
and oh god  
how she shines

\----------------------------------

once  
i think i remember -   
when things were   
streaks of purples and blues  
and not flashes of reds   
then nothing at all-  
there was a hand  
in mine  
and everything was warm

i am swallowed whole  
constricted; suffocating still  
but isn’t this supposed   
to be the ending  
the resolution  
not the climax

\-------------------------------

when the sun expands  
and the world  
ends  
i will only have  
one sole regret.  
her voice is the melody;  
her laugh the harmony

i hear it never   
gets old;  
observing the gods  
and mere mortals like me   
will never be  
the same again


	3. disturbance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if i could   
> i would get down on my knees  
> and bow

i remember   
when i was little   
all the sounds were so  
crisp and  
clear and everything   
was bright  
the sun was my love  
forever and ever

\----------------------------------

someone is yelling my name   
what if she notices?  
she is the one  
that is worth the attention  
if i could   
i would get down on my knees  
and bow

a tap on my shoulder   
i am face to face with a   
warm body  
it takes a minute   
for the realisation   
to slide into place 

the voice is rough   
familiar; comforting  
there are words  
calm and relaxing   
but i have gotten used   
to the sensation   
of her   
calm and relaxing   
don’t cut it anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chap lengths are gonna vary a lot but most likely there'll be more than one a day :)


	4. tears/wishful thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who would dare   
> taint the image   
> of the gods?

i want more  
of this- of her   
outside of the bubble;  
of my dreams  
but isn’t gluttony a sin?  
and i would never want to sin  
against her

\-----------------------------------------------

at one point  
everything was huge   
everything was an exploration  
so many things to see  
to feel   
to be   
but like they say  
all good things must   
come to an end  
why did they have to end?

i scraped my knee   
falling off a swing  
i pulled the ground  
toward me so hard  
i blamed the rush of air  
for the tears  
on my cheeks

\-------------------------------------------

water on her cheeks   
glistened   
in the morning sun  
i itched   
to reach out and   
touch; brush away   
out of awe   
out of doubt  
but who would dare   
taint the image   
of the gods?

sometimes  
i will risk a glance  
and when i look back  
spots appear on   
my cup  
but i am okay  
with being blinded   
by such beauty


	5. rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when i got home   
> i couldn’t tell   
> where the rain stopped  
> and the tears began

at one point  
in my life  
i had soft,  
ringlet curls  
and clunky braces  
that sparkled like  
stars   
in the sun  
but i got   
caught in a storm  
and suddenly what i used  
to love   
i hated most.   
when i got home   
i couldn’t tell   
where the rain stopped  
and the tears began

\-----------------------------------------

it is raining   
when she returns   
i want to offer her   
my umbrella   
if anyone should suffer   
it should be me

i catch myself   
in jealousy   
at the raindrops   
on her skin  
i wonder if they know  
how lucky   
they are 

as the steam   
from my cup  
drifts up  
i imagine her   
dancing   
in the rain  
arms high above  
her head   
as she twirls   
underneath the sky  
maybe she doesn’t   
need my umbrella   
after all  
maybe i don’t  
either


	6. icarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i picture myself   
> as icarus   
> one day i will simply   
> fly to close  
> and burn up

there are   
many things   
left unsaid  
to many people  
like the sun   
setting in winter  
with so much light   
left to give  
but i was never   
the sun  
i was always darkness

think of me   
like you think   
of a stranger   
pass me by  
and never see  
me again   
because i am   
the thought   
that crosses your   
mind once   
twice   
never to be seen   
again 

\---------------------------------------------

i have a feeling  
an inkling   
that when the sun  
rises   
it pales in comparison  
to her   
i am overwhelmed  
with a fondness  
i cannot begin  
to describe   
i see her here   
there  
everywhere  
i picture myself   
as icarus   
one day i will simply   
fly to close  
and burn up 

i long for the day   
my heart   
speaks louder than  
my head  
she sits - idle   
all day   
but i can only dream  
of softly sitting   
next to her   
i can only dream   
of hearing her  
silk voice   
in my ear   
i can only dream   
of her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what can i say but i'm bad at writing but i'll maybe ? hopefully ? try and upload more often


	7. craving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i let the light   
> take me   
> and i go   
> willingly

my body is limp  
in her arms   
there is a sound  
the vibrations   
shake me   
but i do not wake   
nothing   
can touch me   
nothing   
can hurt me 

\-------------------------------------

i crave warmth  
the feeling   
is overwhelming   
my skin itches   
with want   
with need   
i let the desire  
engulf me   
and i walk   
with a newfound  
confidence  
a blessing   
i already know   
where i’m going  
before i get there   
i already feel   
at peace 

she’s a magnet   
or a beacon   
for lost sailors  
my eyes are drawn  
to her  
but if im   
a sailor   
i must be sinking  
and that’s ok  
with me 

my usual   
slips out my lips   
like a prayer   
my hands   
wrap around  
the cup   
desperate for the   
sensation   
for the burning   
i’m sinking   
but i catch sight   
of the beacon   
i let the light   
take me   
and i go   
willingly 

she smiles as i sit.


End file.
